Perhaps

Perhaps,
the only reason I believe people always leave
is because
I
always
do.

And the reason I have trust issues
is because
I
can’t
be
trusted.

Maybe I always want what I can’t have,
always desire what’s not mine.

Maybe I hate love
because I’ve wasted
every
chance
I
ever
had.

Perhaps happy couples make me want to barf because I couldn’t commit if it saved my life.

Maybe I fell in love with the wrong seed, watered it and watched it grow into a lover that stifled my willpower each chance he got?

Maybe it’s because each time your boyfriend smiles at me from across the table,
with you right beside him,
my heart flutters just a bit.
Especially when you’re dancing with him.
If I’m lucky, he’ll send a wink my way
as your hips gyrate violently against his groin,
and his eyes want only me.

I want what is not mine.
Because
there’s
no
chance
it’ll
ever
be
mine.

That way, I’ll never know what it feels like to have it taken away.

Again.

That way, it never leaves because it wasn’t mine to begin with.